Inner Monologue.

It's funny what weird forms anxiety attacks can take. Sometimes create extreme nausea, sometimes dizziness, sometimes uncontrollable hyperventilating, sometimes a feeling of a heart attack and sometimes just random outbursts of moods and crying.

For me it's all, except for the heart attack feeling. It never fails to hit me how life consuming it can be. The simplest of task is rendered impossible for me. Things such as sitting in a 2 hour lecture or trying out something different for the first time.

It's hard for me to do things that are out of my 'norm' or my comfort-zone. I hate change and changing. I feel tense and uncomfortable and as I fail to find comforts I fall further and further into despair.

But what causes most of these attacks, my phobia of vomiting. It's the reason I have attacks and university and can't make it to my lecture. My mind is racing with hypothetical disasters such as: what if I am sick in the lecture? What if I can't get out? What if I am ill on the way home?

The unfamiliar surroundings only make this problem worse. And recently it's been bad. Even as I type this I am meant to be in a lecture, and I am frantically writing down notes from e-articles to show my parents so they think I turned up, and to make myself feel better.

But it never fails to astound me how anxiety can really control someones life. It's the fight or flight response. Sometimes I feel stupid for making a mountain out of this molehill, but whenever I have attacks I am delightfully reminded of how bad they can be and how little I can cope.

Remember kiddies, its only a disorder when it interferes with everyday life.