Please, take a seat. Tea?

Why, hello. My name is Alexandra. You can call me Alex, Lexie, Lex, 'Andra or Alexski - as that is my nickname.
However, the odds are you will never call me any of those things because what are the odds of us meeting? Or at least conversing to a informal level, if it is a formal conversation then call me Miss M. as that sounds rather mysterious and sounds like some form of sneaky spy meeting name that I will use when I phone you up at your workplace and to tell you to meet me in the middle of Moscow in a small cafe and talk about international issues over coffee or tea or Russian variations of.

Okay, well - the boring stuff now, nothing to do with spies or Russia. I am 19, I live in England,& I am a girl. I am not magical, fantasy-ical, divine or in possession of a wand, although my height would make you think I have hairy feet (get it?). I am a history student at the University of Wolverhampton. It doesn't compare to Hogwarts, for a start my lecturers don't wear pointy hats, not even dunce once (although a fair few should - or at least boring ones) and there aren't any floating candles. Broomsticks will be found in the cleaners cupboard but they won't fly.

I have two huskies, one bitch called Tali & one boy calle Finnbar. They sleep on the floor and eat my leftovers and howl at my mom for walks. Great alarm clocks.

I have a boyfriend who is a big pillow of support for me. His name is blank and lives at blank street and is 37 years old. Yes, he is 18 years older than me. Oh big wow. We've been together 5 months and I have adopted his fat cat, because his cat isn't gay and loves me for I am a woman with epic breasts - so his male cat, who is fat, loves me.

I am a closet weaboo. I love Japan, I just have this amazing thing call self-control where I find myself very able to not have to talk about it constantly and rant about how aMaZiNg Naruto is. I want to go there, live there, eat there, have sex there and meet a Geisha there. I much prefer the traditional Japan over this contemporary weirdness.I mean, Ganguro - wtf is that?

Anyway, I am sure you don't want me to ramble on forever, like an old woman.
Now, go take your Russian tea and take these files with you. Don't tell anyone we ever met. Don't tell anyone we were ever here. I hope you understand the importance of this mission, Tsar Nicholas II is relying on you.
Farewell and good luck

Miss M.
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